Thursday, January 25, 2018

Daughters*

This post did not start out to be about library work but I'll do my best to bring it around.

I've always had a sense of urgency about my life. Whether it was schoolwork, deadlines at the various jobs I've worked, learning a new piece of music, there was always a push to finish, and to finish well.  Part of that I will happily blame on my summer of Youth Conservation Corps in 1976, when I traveled to Michigan's Upper Peninsula--specifically, the University of Michigan forestry camp (Camp Filibert Roth), near Iron River, in the Ottawa National Forest.  It was there that I acquired an almost rabid desire to work hard and finish well, whether we were constructing hiking trails, pruning pine trees, or competing in the Conclave at the end of the summer. That tenacity has paid off handsomely in my adult life--not in terms of financial wizardry (Heh! I wish!), but in earning the admiration and respect of coworkers and musical associates.  In the words of one conductor (who wishes I didn't always play so loud), "(I) leave it all on the court".

Which comes around to not only my current job but the current situation with my daughter.  She's a senior, looking to go to college next fall, specifically music school.  She's a talented young lady, and when she wants something bad enough, she'll work for it.  What's monumentally frustrating for me is that 1) she frankly doesn't rise to the occasion nearly as often as she should, 2) she doesn't ask me for help (I have two degrees in Music and can make things a LOT easier for her), and 3) as a result, she doesn't look as good on paper as she should.

You may find it cold-hearted of me to describe my own daughter in this way, and I've said many times to different people that I make Simon Cowell look like a cast member of Up With People when it comes to being cynical about people who sing.  I recognize her talent.  Compared to where I was in high school, she's a hundred times further ahead in terms of developing her musical gifts and talents.  I really feel like she started with more than I did and I have done my best to be supportive--and I've had a tough time letting go, but I don't feel that this is the time to do that just yet. I feel like I have to keep pushing until all those applications and sign-ups are done. She did the Common Application but not all of her schools use that, and it's maddening to not see any action from her (or evidence thereof).

Right now she's waiting for answers from schools to which she's applied--and I've resorted to getting her mother to ask her about applications and audition sign-ups.  She has deadlines to meet. She's already missed two major schools and she's in serious danger of missing others. I'm about to hang a shingle out saying I'm a dentist, because it's like pulling teeth to get any answers out of her. 

If she goes to a Rowan or NJCU or even IUP I should be happy (West Chester, Temple, or Western Michigan would be better), but it is FRUSTRATING beyond belief to see no action and hear no reports. Does every parent of a senior go through this, feeling the strain, wanting to scream?

She's at PMEA District Choir today and tomorrow. Saturday we start all this again. Onward.

*--John Mayer, Heavier Things, 2003.

PS: So I didn't bring it around to the Library Science world. To paraphrase Emeril Lagasse, "get your own blog".

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